God is beginning to teach me things in new ways. It’s awesome. Lately God has been showing me very clear mental images. Sometimes it’s a scene, like one time that I wrote about a couple months ago (you can read that one here…it was weird and awesome). Sometimes they are just simple images. Either way, I think God is using my acute sensitivity to visual beauty to REALLY impress certain things on my heart. 

A couple weeks ago, I was singing to God at Emanate and I saw an image of myself in a dark room. I was all alone, standing still in the center of the room, and in front of me was a large, bright light bulb. We’re talking like blindingly white. But in a warm, inviting sort of way, you know? Even though it hurt my eyes to look at it, I couldn’t look away! Instinctively I reached out my hands to touch it, but immediately I pulled them back. What was I thinking?!?! It was a giant light bulb! Of course it was hot! It BURNED my hands! They stung… and I felt so stupid for willingly reaching out and putting my palms against a hot surface. Did I really graduate kindergarten?!

After I got over the shock of the burn, I looked down and noticed that my hands were starting to heal. The blisters were slowly melting away and the skin beneath was stronger and BETTER! So I put my hands against the light bulb again. 

This time it didn’t burn.

It was warm to the touch. I held my hands against the glass and watched wide-eyed as the light from the bulb entered into my hands, flowing through my veins, up my arms, past my shoulders, into my entire body until I was GLOWING. I took on the same blinding effect of the lightbulb. But now it didn’t hurt my eyes. It was warm, flooding, unstoppable light. It was INSANE!!!!

Earlier that night I had prayed that God would FILL me with HIS love, HIS compassion, HIS Spirit.

This image was God’s way of saying to me that He will do just that.

If you know me at all, you probably know that I like to talk, and when I talk, I like to tell stories, and when I tell stories, I like to include lots of details. For this reason my stories can be long winded, and, in some cases, incredibly difficult to follow. That’s the prologue for this blog post. Get ready.

Here’s a story. It’s true, it’s about me. Last week my friend Rustin who is a photographer messaged me and asked me AGAIN if I was interested in going on a trip to India with him over the summer. He’s trying to get a team of creatives together to do some photo/video documentation for an organization in India. I say again because he’s asked me several times and it always knifes me in the heart because I want to go. SO BAD. And I never can! Usually because of the typical reasons (I will name them for you because I like telling stories) Reason 1 is that I am a student and have no free time. Reason 2 is that I am a student and have no money. Ok that’s all the reasons. Anyway.

So Rustin’s organizing this trip, and wants me to come. That’s the point. So after he poses me the question of whether or not I will be coming along, I pondered the situation in my mind as I was in bed trying (and failing) to fall asleep. I was telling God how lame it was that I was going to have to tell Rustin that I couldn’t go to India with him…because regardless of how much I would LOVE TO GO, I just do NOT have the money. I’m raising a pretty daunting amount for YWAM which starts in September, and anyone in their right mind would say no, no, no. Too much. Too extravagant. Too crazy. Too irresponsible.

I was all, “hey God, this is totally lame, but there’s really no way I can go….everyone will judge me for being extravagant and spending money I don’t have and blah blah blaaaah” …and of course, as I’m lying in bed, God spoke to me in his kind, calm, almighty voice and said “Jessie. Shush. If I’m going to give you the opportunity to do something you have ALWAYS wanted to do, you are NOT going to turn it down because of money. CMON!” This caught me by surprise. I know God wants me to have the desires of my heart. I know God put the desires of my heart IN MY HEART. He put them there. Naturally He understands them even more intricately than I do. And He loves me and He has awesome plans for me, better than I can hope for. So naturally when I had even the faintest idea of a green light, I was like, “reeeeally, God?! Like, no, Like, are you sure?!?” ….and I felt like God just laughed out loud, guffawed really (but in a nice way, you know?) He said “Don’t you know me?! I give GOOD gifts to my children.” He’s right. He does.

The next morning my mom called me and told me she found $1000 in an old bank account that I was attached to. Long story short, she’s giving me $1000. Yeah. Really. 

…I don’t know if she realized it but the reason I was really quiet on the phone is because I was definitely trying not to cry.

….and God was like “What did I tell you, silly!!! GOOD GIFTS. Just get ready”

so…I’m going to India in June. 

 A little (big) part of me is afraid to tell people this…because telling people means I’m really committing to take a “leap of faith.” (pardon my christian jargon, if you will). I KNOW God wants me to go, so I KNOW I’ll be going. And money won’t be an issue. I don’t have it yet, but I don’t need it yet. Money is just a method God’s gonna use to help me build a little faith.

Just sayin….these next few months of my life are about to be WILD. I’m ready for something big to go down. Just wait.  

ps….the photo above is one of the best from Rustin Klafka. Check out his work here.