I like dust. And scratches and scuffs and dirt and crumbs. I like these things a lot. Usually these things are every photographer’s worst nightmare. But I’m a photographer. And I like them.

I was just thinking about how, in many cases, I like photographs that break the rules. I like it when the subject is deliberately centered… Just because. I like it when there is so much crap on your negative that it looks like a texture filter…but it’s not. Maybe this is why I never got an A in photography. Eh.

I am realizing that what I like most about being a photographer is the process. I spent the past several years of my life shooting shooting shooting and hardly stopping to take a breath until finally, this past August, I stepped back, pausing to understand why.

I am realizing more and more of why I love the idea of photography. I don’t care too much about my portfolio anymore. I don’t care about that stack of pristine final prints anymore. I’m not looking for something to hang on my wall or put on my website. It’s about the getting there. It’s about the conceptualization and the brilliant “Aha!” moment and the hours of planning. Simply put, I love the process of shooting, the climbing and twisting and stretching to get the perfect angle, the hundreds of bad frames before you finally snap the good one. I love the awkward interaction with a punk kid on the street who is shocked that a random little redhead girl would want to take his portrait. I love the getting there. I love the dust. Just a thought. It’s good to think about what you love.

I did a word study just now! Here we go. Ekballō. It’s a Greek word. It means to forcefully cast out, thrust out, or send out. Bear with me. It’s the word used in the Bible when Jesus casts out demons or sent the moneychangers out of the temple. Pretty forceful, indeed.

It’s used again when Jesus speaks to his disciples in Matthew 9:38, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask The Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out (ekballō) workers into his harvest field.”

I am realizing that I am not just a random girl who somehow has had this strange desire to go live in a foreign land and look like a crazy fool and bring the love of Jesus to a place where I’ve never been. I am realizing that this deep-rooted, somewhat irrational desire I have for missions is actually part of God’s answer to prayer. Someone prayed for workers to be sent out. And… here I am. And here we are. I’m in a school of 31 young people from 14 different countries, all learning how to be ekballō-ed.

Every morning I have a hard time getting out of bed. Here’s a reason to get up: Ekballō!!! God himself is forcefully sending me out into the nations, into the harvest field. Not the time to oversleep, eh?